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Week 15:
Guru Heats Up
By Randy Williams
My friends,
the Guru is hotter than Joe Gibbs
in a steamin' kettle of water.
I posted my fourth consecutive week of at least .500, improving
the season mark to 83-83-4. Over the last month, I'm 36-26-1 and
my wife, Lady Fanwood, is beginning
to wonder if I'm psychic.
This weekend's prediction: I'll spend time on the couch, watching
the NFL until my eyes bulge from my head and processed cheese begins
to ooze from every pore. "Honey, I need tortilla chips. Stat!"
But enough about me. Let's talk about the budding juggernaut from
Raljon, Md. Yes, the Mighty Skins are on fire with three wins
in their last four games and many have asked if I'm worried
that they may ruin their chance for a top draft pick.
Well,
given the choice, I'll take the victory any day baby! Yes,
I know that my Mighties are on the road to nowhere but I don't care.
I don't go to my local sports cafe every Sunday and eat 4-6 lbs
of Buffalo Wings for nothing (Although I would; those bad boys are
way good).
This week the Skins travel to Carolina for a date with the Panthers
and Fat Sean Gilbert, an oxygen thief if there ever was one. The
$47-million man continues his ascent into legend and is on pace
for an earth-shattering four sacks. I could get that many at
the local A&P and mine would be filled with tons of grub.
Week 14 record: 9-7-0 ("Tips, get
your tips here.")
Season record: 83-83-4 (Le Guru is Bowl-bound.)
Norv T's record: 30-46-1 (Thirty-one, anyone?)
George's NCAA record: 103-111-2 (Click
for Saturday Selections)
Tell the Guru what you think of his selections
at AQB's Speak Out board.
Denver (13-0) at New York Giants (5-8) Line:
DEN -12 TV: CBS, 1:01 p.m.
This
looks like a bigger mismatch than the Guru vs Elle Macpherson in
a bikini contest. But let's remember a couple of things, sports
lovers: 1) Denver may be looking past the Giants to next
week's visit to Miami and 2) The Guru plans to wear a tight
flourescent number that really slims his hips.
This Broncos team is too much for the Giants to handle but I expect
New York to play well. Remember, Giants Stadium isn't the most hospitable
place to play in December. GIANTS (Speak
Out)
New York Jets (9-4) at Miami (9-4) Line:
MIA -3 TV: ESPN, 8:20 p.m.
The
game of the year in the AFC East and, naturally, Jets coach Bill
Parcells is mad at someone or something. This week his venom
has been directed at Sports Illustrated, which placed him on the
cover this week. How'd you like to be this guy's wife during football
season? "Get me some bacon and eggs and fast, lady. Geez, you're
lazy when it comes to breakfast. There's plenty more fish in the
sea, you know. I just may release your grisly butt." Wait,
that sounds like Lady F. dressing me down.
I'm surprised that Miami has been able to play at a high level this
year. Usually, I favor the home team in games like this but for
some reason I think Parcells & the Gang will get it done. JETS
(Speak Out)
Chicago (3-10) at Green Bay (8-5) Line: GB -13
TV: Fox, 1:01 p.m.
The
greatest rivalry this side of Guru vs Macpherson has soured slightly
with the demise of the Bears. But, make no mistake, these teams
truly hate each other.
The Packers have disappointed this season with four losses to
Central Division foes. QB Brett Favre hasn't been as sharp as
he has been in the past and the rumors continue to swirl about the
possible departure of coach Mike Holmgren. Green
Bay is almost certain to be the NFC's fifth-seeded playoff team
- look for them to coast the next three weeks as they prepare their
conference title defense. BEARS (Speak
Out)
Pittsburgh (7-6) at Tampa Bay (6-7) Line:
TB -2 TV: CBS, 1:01 p.m.
This game begs many questions as the loser is probably home for
the holidays. Is it really possible that Bill Cowher's team might
be on the outside looking in? Can Tampa rally to make the NFC
field? When baking tarts, is two dozen too much? Is a dozen
not enough?
Cowher has done a masterful job of keeping the Steelers among the
AFC's elite, despite the loss of numerous players to free agency.
But, the team's depth has obviously suffered and Jerome Bettis is
not running as well as he did even last season. Tampa will get it
done here. BUCCANEERS
(Speak Out)
Washington (4-9) at Carolina (2-11) Line: CAR
-3 TV: Fox, 1:01 p.m.
The
game we've all been waiting for: Draft Bowl '98. The Skins
will come out a winner any way you slice it as they also own Carolina's
top pick, which would now be the second overall. When selection
day rolls around, it's important for the Mighties to remember that
Chief Redskin is available,
his tender 58-year-old body battle tested by the Norv Turner Era.
The bidding is underway to purchase the Skins from the late Jack
Kent Cooke's estate and Joe Gibbs entered the fray this week,
joining a group as a limited partner. I'll go on the record now
as being against Gibbs' actions. Sports lovers you heard correctly
- I disagree with Master Gibbs. I just don't think it's right
for the ex-Skins coach to compete with the John Kent Cooke, after
his dad was so good to the coach. That said, I love Gibbsy more
than Yule logs, mistletoe and a 2-for-1 Whopper special. SKINS
(Speak Out)
Hartford (8-5) at St. Louis (3-10) Line:
HAR -7 TV: CBS, 1:01 p.m.
My
friends, it's only a matter of time before the moving trucks pull
into Foxboro Stadium and start packing merchandise - from the office
assistant's file cabinets to owner Bob Kraft's collection of exotic
animal fur. Yes, that includes hair from the shaggy back of Tony
the Patriot, a man whose hair has a mind of its own.
Hartford is on a roll and I look for Drew Bledsoe & Co. to keep
the ball rolling this week against a Rams team that gave up in week
two of the exhibition season. It is important to note that St. Louis
played some of its best 1997 ball near the end of last season. PATRIOTS
(Speak Out)
Oakland (7-6) at Buffalo (8-5) Line: BUF
-7 TV: CBS, 1:01 p.m.
This
Raiders team is beginning to fade like Bill Clinton's presidency.
Coach Jon Gruden did a nice job of getting his team to rebound from
a week one disaster at KC but the club has struggled in recent weeks.
This week, he'll start Wade Wilson, a man I believe signed the
Declaration of Independence, at QB.
Buffalo, on the other hand, is one of the league's surprise teams.
Despite being hosed vs Hartford two weeks ago, the Bills bounced
back with a resounding win at Cincy last Sunday. Perhaps the key
to Buffalo's success was Buffalo Jill's
decision to finally give birth, presenting the world with yet another
NFL fan who'll never taste a Super Bowl title. A note to beautiful
Baby Emma: There's plenty of room on the Skins Bandwagon, sweet
thing. BILLS (Speak Out)
Tennessee (7-6) at Jacksonville (10-3)
Line: JAX -3 TV: CBS, 1:01 p.m.
The
Oilers are a bigger mystery than the Sock Monster. We all know
the Sock Monster, don't we? He (or she) is the person who sneaks
into our washers and dryers, plundering hosiery and taking it to
his den of thievery. Tennessee is just too inconsistent, looking
like world beaters one week and patsies the next.
Jacksonville has really grown under coach Tom Coughlin. With QB
Mark Brunell hurt, never-used backup Jamie Martin stepped up and
passed the Jags to a nice win over Detroit. Brunell won't play this
week, thus the line, but it probably won't matter much. JAGUARS
(Speak
Out)
Arizona (6-7) at Philadelphia (3-10) Line:
ARZ -3 TV: Fox, 1:01 p.m.
It
should be a beautiful day in Philly. The weather should be awful,
the Vet will be half packed and the smell of trash (and bodies)
will permeate the air. Then again, that odor might be a delicious
Philly cheesesteak. A fat one wit' Whiz and onions, please.
The Cards are still in playoff contention but they really blew it
with last week's home loss to the Giants. I wouldn't be at all surprised
to see a Philly win. Of course, they'll need at least seven points
to do it. BIRDS (Speak
Out)
Cincinnati (2-11) at Indianapolis (2-11)
Line: IND -4 TV: CBS, 1:01 p.m.
What a game this one will be . Bengals vs Colts. Neil O'Donnell
vs Peyton Manning. Apathy vs Empathy.
This game won't draw a big crowd or big interest and ESPN might
not even show the highlights. But, I think it'll be decent a chance
for Manning to have a huge day against an anemic defense. Best
hope for viewers: coaches Coslet and Mora break into a free
for all during their pregame chat. COLTS
(Speak Out)
Atlanta (11-2) at New Orleans (6-7) Line:
ATL -4 TV: Fox, 1:01 p.m.
The
Falcons are having a dream season in 1998. They've avoided any letdown
and beaten all the teams that they're supposed to beat. Still, I
think the Saints team presents quite a challenge for Reeves &
Co.
Mike Ditka and Reeves are the best of friends but they'll do whatever
it takes to win this weekend. Lie...cheat...steal...even (god
forbid)...pass. Maybe that's a bit of a stretch, like Le Guru
attempting to squeeze into a pair of size 32 jeans. Atlanta's magic
runs out. SAINTS. (Speak
Out)
San Diego (5-8) at Seattle (6-7) Line: SEA
-7 TV: CBS, 4:05 p.m.
How
bad are things going for San Diego? Their coach, June Jones, has
opted to return to coach his alma mater, the University of Hawaii,
rather than stay with the Chargers. Word is that Jones is pining
to spend time on "Kiana's Flex Appeal," a Hawaii-based
ESPN workout show that Tommy Bird knows
a little about (Attention, T-Bird: your membership fee is due).
Ordinarily I'd love Seattle in this situation but I think the 'Hawks
are really reeling from last week's loss to the Jets. It's said
to say but one bad call just may have cost coach Dennis Erickson
and his staff their jobs. Looks like Kiana might be getting two
calls this week. CHARGERS
(Speak Out)
Dallas (8-5) at Kansas City (5-8) Line:
KC -1 TV: Fox, 4:15 p.m.
The
Chiefs showed some life last week for the first time in months,
giving Denver all they could handle at Mile High. Schottenheimer
will be allowed to stay but may not want to - this club needs
some serious restructuring.
Dallas is a strange team. They're improved from last year but they're
certainly not the Cowboys of the past. You remember those teams
of the early 1990s - winning Super Bowls, sending players to the
Pro Bowl, smoking crack at every free moment. Memories. CHIEFS
(Speak Out)
Minnesota (12-1) at Baltimore (5-8) Line:
MIN -10 TV: Fox, 4:15 p.m.
This
game looks like a rout but might not be. True, the Ravens' offense
is poor but their defense has some talent and some young guys are
really beginning to look good. Can this young team handle Minnesota's
veteran stars, such as WR Cris Carter?
No matter what takes play this Sunday, I think we can all take
solace in the fact that Baltimore owner Art Modell will be safely
tucked into his skybox - kissin' babies, shakin' hands and scarfin'
down crab cakes. Where is Hamas when you need them? A pox on your
box, Modell. RAVENS
(Speak Out)
MONDAY NIGHT
Detroit (5-8) at San Francisco (10-3) Line: SF -10 TV: ABC, 8:20
p.m.
The
Lions have a decent chance this week. They're playing a Niners team
that is reeling defensively and QB Charlie Batch is starting to
come on. Throw in a big game from Barry Sanders and you may have
the makings of an upset.
San Francisco just isn't the same team we've seen in the past.
They've lost star defensive tackle Bryant Young, Jerry Rice is whining
like a country singer and they haven't been able to put away bad
teams. Are the Lions a bad team? Yes. Are the Niners complacent
enough to lose? No. Is the Guru hedging his bets? Absolutely.
NINERS
(Speak
Out)
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