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No
Commercial Success
Most
Super Bowl Ads Are Big-Time Duds
By
Randy Williams
Super
Sunday was boring. Dull. Uninspiring. And the first half of the
game wasn't too hot, either.
I'm not sure I've ever seen such a weak group of Super Bowl ads
from beginning to end. My goodness, the commercials were so humorless
that I began to look forward to listening to Lesley Visser "interview"
such key figures as Kurt Warner's wife and spectator John Elway.
(And, while we're talking about Visser, who in the world dresses
her? Nathan Lane wore less garish outfits in "The Birdcage.")
Before I rate the ads, a few questions/comments about ABC's game/pregame
coverage:
1. The cast of "The View" talking about football players
in tight pants and Jason Sehorn going along with it, uniform and
all? And I thought Fox's
Jimmy Kimmel bit last week was low.
2. Chris Berman interviews halftime singer Phil Collins, who admits
he doesn't like football? Slap a Union Jack on his head and send
him back across the pond!
3. Memo to ABC: we're in serious danger of suffering from Regis
overexposure. If you don't taper the old guy back a bit, no one
will want to be a millionaire.
4. Dear Al Michaels, I don't give a scratch that the Rams owner's
last name is now pronounced "frontier." Put a sock in
it, bub.
Now, on to the commercials. For ratings sake, I'm only counting
ads that were unveiled during the game, which disqualifies my personal
favorites, the Budweiser "Whassup!?!" spots.
Randy's
Five Best Commercials
1.
The 7UP spot with the guy running the "Show Us Your Can"
contest. And no, that wasn't my photo he held up when he said "Look
at the backyard on this guy!"
2. E*Trade's commercial featuring a man on an operating table
with "Money coming out of the wazoo." Must've taken the
Rams and the points.
3. E*Trade's ad with the chimp dancing on a bucket and the old
men clapping in a garage. Reminded me of an editorial meeting at
AQB. (I won't tell you who's the chimp but you've read George's
stuff, haven't you?)
4. The EDS ad featuring a look at the lives of cat herders.
5.
The commercial showing Christopher Reeve walking. Couldn't tell
what the ad was for but it was a nice touch.
Honorable mention: The Budweiser ad with Wayne Gretzky as the
designated driver. A concept that can't be publicized enough.
Randy's
10 Worst Commercials
1.
The WWF spot with women fighting at a beauty pageant. Couldn't ABC
take someone else's $2.2 million?
2.
Any commercial advertising "The E*Trade Halftime Show."
3.
The second quarter ad from Netpliance. I hate the Internet.
4.
The "We are the Champions" commercial for Agillion. My
goodness, I'd rather listen to Roseanne Barr sing the national anthem.
5.
The WebMD ad featuring Muhammad Ali. I doubt even Howard Bingham
liked it.
6. Any ABC plug for the Beach Boys movie. What great timing
for such a film.
7. Visa's ad with the synchronized swimmers. "Priceless",
it wasn't.
8. Oldsmobile's spot. My grandmother couldn't even get excited
about that one and she loves to ride in tanks.
9. BMW's sport utility spots. Even my German chocolate cake
was embarrassed.
10. Monster.com's ad. Bring back the kids who "want
to be replaced on a whim" and "get paid less for doing
the same job."
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