WEEK TWO CRYSTAL BALL: Following the Carousel
WEEK TWO CRYSTAL BALL: Following the Carousel
Corky catches up on the latest action
My friends, I happened upon an old pal this week, THE GHOST OF CORKY, and had an interesting conversation about Week One of the NFL season.
CORKY: GURU, how are you man? I didn’t get to watch much of the first week as I was playing golf in a tight three-piece suit. Can you give me a quick synopsis?
ME: Sure, buddy. Dee-troit gets a big pick six on the road and beats the Chiefs, leading to rare KC heartburn that isn’t barbecue-induced. Dallas waxes the Giants at MetLife to the tune of 40-zip. Tampa upsets Minnesota on the road behind the well-traveled Baker Mayfield. Cleveland stifles Joe Burrow in a rout of Cincinnati. And the Jets defeat Buffalo with Zach Wilson calling the signals.
CORKY: Wow, that’s a crazy start to the season. Sounds like that Kellen Moore did a heck of a job for that Dallas offense.
ME: Actually, Moore was let go after last year and is now running the O for the LA Chargers. The new Cowboys playcaller is none other than Mike McCarthy, their head coach.
CORKY: Wow, that’s interesting. I wonder what Aaron Rodgers thinks about that in Green Bay, considering how many years he and McCarthy worked together with the Packers.
ME: Actually, Rodgers is now with the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets! He signed with them in the offseason. New York went all in on a title and signed him to a $75 million, two-year deal. That’ll buy a lot of peyote.
CORKY: Wait…I thought you said Zach Wilson is the QB?
ME: That’s how it turned out. Rodgers started the opener and blew out his left Achilles on the fourth play, went down like yours truly diving on an abandoned Twinkie. Done for the year. The luck of the Jets.
CORKY: Wow, that’s nuts. So, who is starting at QB for Green Bay? The Love kid?
ME: Yep, that’s right - Jordan Love, the fourth-year QB from Utah State. And, like his predecessor, it looks like he owns the Bears. Green Bay beat up Chicago in Week One.
CORKY: Wow, who did Chitown start at QB? I know they had the #1 draft pick so they must’ve selected Bryce Young, C.J. Stroud or Anthony Richardson, right?
ME: Actually no. They decided to stick with Justin Fields and traded the #1 pick to Carolina for DJ Moore and some draft picks. Then they also got Chase Claypool from the Steelers to solidify their receiving corps.
CORKY: Got it. So, did Carolina pick Stroud?
ME: No, they chose Young and he’s the starter.
CORKY: Got it. Young is the man in Carolina, so I guess Sam Darnold is the backup, right?
ME: Actually, the #2 is Andy Dalton and Darnold is now the second stringer in San Francisco.
CORKY: Wait a second. Andy Dalton? Isn’t this his fourth team in four years? And who is Darnold backing up in the Bay? Brock Purdy? Trey Lance?
ME: Yep, Dalton is actually on this fifth team in five years. A football version of Jack Kerouac, minus the obsession with all things French. His last four seasons were with the Bengals (2019), Cowboys (2020), Bears (2021) and Saints (2022).
Darnold is actually backing up Purdy. The Niners gave up on Lance in the offseason and shipped him to Dallas.
CORKY: Dallas? So, he’s backing up Dak Prescott?
ME: Kind of. He’s actually the third stringer behind Dak and Cooper Rush.
CORKY: Wow, third? My head is spinning. Wait, so what happened to Jimmy Garoppolo in San Fran?
ME: He signed with the Raiders as a free agent and the old Vegas QB, David Carr, left town to be the starter for the Saints. And they both won their openers.
CORKY: Ah, so Carr replaced Dalton in Nola. Got it. But what about Jameis Winston? Where did he go?
ME: Winston is actually still with the Saints and had a strong preseason. And, since he’s just 29 years old, he still has time.
CORKY: Ok, at least someone’s in the same place! Now can we talk about tonight’s game? I’m excited to see Kirk Cousins hand it off to Dalvin Cook.
ME: You might be disappointed, buddy. The Vikings elected not to pay Cook, so he signed with the Jets. Tune in to watch Gang Green and you’ll see Wilson pitching him the rock.
CORKY: Gotcha. Do the Vikings have a chance tonight in Philly? I’m ready to tune in to Amazon Prime to watch at 8:15 ET.
ME: It’s going to be tough. The Birds have had a lot of turnover on defense but the game’s at the Linc and the fans are gonna be rabid, cheering through their toothless grins. I don’t put it past Minnesota to surprise but, if they can’t protect Cousins, it’ll get ugly. Call it Philly, 35-22.
CORKY: What about the other games? Anything else catch your eye this weekend?
ME: First, a reminder that none of my selections should be taken as seriously as the “Little Debbie for President” campaign I launched when I fell in love with Oatmeal Creme Pies in 2016. Underscoring that point, I was 9-7 (.563) in Week One and that may be my 2023 high-water mark.
That said, you asked so I’ll oblige.
At 1 pm, I like Houston (0-1) over Indy (1-0), Buffalo (0-1) against Vegas (1-0), Dee-troit (1-0) against Seattle (0-1), Tampa (1-0) vs. Chicago (0-1), Green Bay (1-0) over Atlanta (1-0), Cincy (0-1) to beat Baltimore (1-0), KC (0-1) in Jacksonville (1-0) and Tennessee (0-1), at home, against the Chargers (0-1).
CORKY: What about the later games? I’m guessing you like your squad, right?
ME: You know me too well, my friend. I do indeed see my 1-0 Commies getting a road win at Denver (0-1). Sam Howell looked good in Week One and, more importantly, the D is as real as my father’s love of a good parking spot.
In the other afternoon games, take San Fran (1-0) at the Rams (1-0), Dallas (1-0) at the Jets (1-0), and the Giants (0-1) in Arizona (0-1). At night, let’s go with Miami (1-0) at New England (0-1) and, in Monday’s doubleheader, I like visiting New Orleans (1-0) at Carolina (0-1) and Pittsburgh (0-1) vs. Cleveland (1-0). That’s a lot of road winners but I call ‘em like I see ‘em.
Until next time, brother. Enjoy the games and God bless.