My friends, football is back. It’s a day to be savored. A day to be remembered. A day to feast.
Sure, THE GURU started the season on a lukewarm note, going 1-1 in the first two contests but that was amateur hour. C’mon, football in Brazil?
Now that we’re back Stateside, it’s time for the first full day of real action and, like FATBACK HOBBS when there’s pork to be had, I’m locked and loaded. Let’s head straight to the games.
SUNDAY, 1 PM ET — FOX
Pittsburgh (10-8) at Atlanta (7-10)
At first glance, these two cities have little in common but if you’re an aficionado of stuffed foods, it’s hard to beat these towns. In Pittsburgh, you’ve got stuffed cabbage or pierogies and, in Atlanta, it’s all about the dumplings. A statistical dead heat.
On the field, the natural inclination is to go with the Steelers today, but their up-in-the-air QB situation concerns me a bit. Russell Wilson will be a game-time decision per my sources (ESPN) and that’s a little too murky. Cousins goes bananas. Falcons, 31-28.
Tennessee (6-11) at Chicago (7-10)
Speaking of culinary battles, we’ve got Nashville and Chitown in the Windy City this afternoon. But all eyes will be on the field with #1 overall pick Caleb Williams leading the Bears.
THE TRE MAN and I watched “Hard Knocks,” featuring the 2024 Monsters of the Midway and, I must admit, the Chicago organization was quite likable. I can’t quite put my finger on it but there’s just something about them. Maybe it’s the cut of head coach Matt Eberflus’ jib. Or it could just be the QB’s last name.
Either way, there’s just something about this high-energy, maturing football team that says they’re going to contend. First step: a winning season in 2024. Bears, 23-19.
Carolina (2-15) at New Orleans (9-8)
Much has been written of the Panthers’ struggles under owner David Tepper but let’s talk about positive things instead, like new head coach Dave Canales. He’s billed as an optimistic sort and that attitude will be important because Carolina is short on talent compared to the rest of the NFC South.
One of those divisional rivals, New Orleans, was sneaky good last year under Dennis Allen, who has revived his head-coaching career with the Saints after a painful 8-28 stint while leading the Raiders a decade ago. Turns out that it’s the Raiders that make people worse, not the other way around. Saints, 30-10.
Minnesota (7-10) at New York Giants (6-11)
Fran Tarkenton was one of the NFL’s all-time great quarterbacks and, in an odd twist, was traded twice between these two franchises. That’s right.
After six strong seasons in Minnesota to start his Hall of Famer career, the preacher’s son was shipped to the Giants in ‘67 for three future draft picks. Tarkenton shined in the Big Apple from 1967-71 before the Jints sent him back to the Vikes for QB Norm Snead.
Quick aside: Snead had a very interesting 16-year NFL career. The #2 overall pick in 1961 by Washington, he made two Pro Bowls in his first three years before the Skins sent him to the Eagles for another future HOFer, Sonny Jurgensen. He spent seven seasons there before logging a single year in Minnesota (1971), followed by stints with the Giants (1972-74) and Niners (1974-75).
Snead returned to the Jints and closed out his career as a backup in ‘76 under interim head coach John McVay, grandfather of Sean. Ironically, his final start - and win - was a 12-9 victory over the Skins, snapping New York’s record nine-game losing streak.
Back to Tarkenton, who is perhaps the greatest scrambling quarterback in history. Only weigh-in day frustrated more defensive tackles than the elusive Georgia native.
After the trade back to Minnesota, Fran was outstanding, leading the team to six postseason trips, four conference championship games and three Super Bowls. New York, meanwhile, failed to make the playoffs once.
Unfortunately for the Vikings, Tarkenton isn’t walking through that door today. Nor is Randall, Culpepper, Tommy Kramer or, of course, Kirk Cousins. Take the Giants. Call it 23-20.
SUNDAY, 1 PM ET — CBS
Arizona (4-13) at Buffalo (12-7)
If you move from Buffalo to Arizona, you’re seeking a better climate to enjoy your golden years. If you move from Arizona to Buffalo, you’re probably part of some kind of extradition program.
Then again, it’s hard to find a place like the Polish Nook anywhere near Phoenix. My late pal PETER THE SCOT loved that joint. Miss you buddy. Go with the Bills, 33-24.

New England (4-13) at Cincinnati (9-8)
The Patriots and Jerod Mayo may be on to Cincinnati, but Bill Belichick is on to broadcasting and the Pats need to figure out their QB situation. The Bengals have no such conundrum. Take Burrow & Co. to carry the day. Cincy, 22-17.
Houston (11-8) at Indianapolis (9-8)
This has all the makings of a great rivalry for the next decade if Colts QB Anthony Richardson can stay healthy. Unfortunately, that as big of an “if” as “If THE GURU can do a pull-up…”
Don’t expect the Texans to slow down anytime soon. Houston, 30-27.
Jacksonville (9-8) at Miami (11-7)
In one corner of this battle of the Sunshine State, you’ve got Doug Pederson, an NFL lifer who played with Brett Favre and learned at Andy Reid’s prodigious knees. Across the way Mike McDaniel, an analytics-driven Yale grad who probably drinks kombucha morning, noon and night. But, hey, I like kombucha!
This Dolphins team feels like a real Super Bowl contender to me. Time will tell with the Jags. Miami, 33-27.
SUNDAY, 4:05 PM ET — CBS
Las Vegas (8-9) at Los Angeles Chargers (5-12)
This rough-and-tumble rivalry has given us great memories, like the famed “Holy Roller,” detailed by yours truly in December. As such, it was suitable that, for years, both teams played in baseball stadiums with a good chunk of the field covered by infield dirt.
Ain’t she a beaut, Clark?

Now, with Antonio Piece and Jim Harbaugh as head coaches, this series is only going to get more bitter. I see the first feud beginning in 3…2…1. Raiders, 27-24.
Denver (8-9) at Seattle (9-8)
As a Denver resident for part of my youth, I grew up watching Broncos-Seahawks as both teams resided in the AFC West. In the 1980s, they faced off 21 times - including a Seattle playoff win - with the Broncos holding a slight 11-10 advantage. It was Dan Reeves against Chuck Knox, John Elway vs. Dave Kreig, Karl Mecklenburg vs. Curt Warner.
Sadly, the teams have long been in different divisions - and conferences! - and don’t play one another often. In fact, today’s game will be just their fifth matchup since 2010.
I’ll go with the hosts given their home-field advantage. Seahawks, 20-18.
SUNDAY, 4:25 PM ET — FOX
My Beloved Commies (4-13) at Tampa Bay (10-9)
One of the most acutely painful seasons in my Washington existence was 1995 when my beloved squad lost to a bad Tampa team twice in the span of three weeks. It was a scheduling quirk, for sure, but the losses were no fluke as those Norv Turner Redskins piled up gut-wrenching defeats by the bushel.
In January 2006, I finally exacted my revenge when My Beloved Skins took down the Bucs in a first-round playoff game. Sean Taylor was electric that day and longtime Tampa fan HONG KONG MIKE rained down tears from the seat next to me as his squad was sent packing.
I’m optimistic about this Commies team but understand that these things take time. Today, they’ll give a 2023 playoff team all they can handle. Call it Tampa, 19-17.
Dallas (12-6) at Cleveland (11-7)
When Bill Belichick was head coach of the Browns, his seminal win was a 19-14 victory in Dallas over the defending world champion Cowboys, engineered by defensive coordinator, Nick Saban. Think these dudes were having a good time?

The Browns don't have a Saban or Belichick today, but Kevin Stefanski is a darn good head coach. He just needs to figure out his quarterback room, as Deshaun Watson has not been the same since his scandal and subsequent suspension, partly due to injuries, and methinks, lack of confidence.
That said, this Dallas team didn’t do much in the offseason and lost some key pieces as defensive coordinator Dan Quinn headed to Washington and took several players with him. Not good for the Cowboys. Browns, 23-22.
SUNDAY, 8:20 PM ET — NBC/PEACOCK
Los Angeles Rams (10-8) at Dee-troit (14-7)
Jared Goff stuck it to the Rams last year in the playoffs and, this season, he won’t have to contend with the recently retired Aaron Donald. The best player on the field today will surely be in Honolulu blue; maybe Goff, maybe WR Amon-Ra St. Brown, maybe RT Penei Sewell. Pick your poison, LA. Lions, 37-29.
MONDAY, 8:20 PM ET — ESPN/ABC/ESPN+
New York Jets (7-10) at San Francisco (14-7)
The most exciting play between these teams occurred in 1998 when San Francisco RB Garrison Hearst ripped off a 96-yard overtime touchdown run to win it. Ironically, one of his escorts was big #74, Dave Fiore, a guard who played collegiately at Hofstra, near the Jets facility at the time.
The Jets are certainly more interesting this year, assuming Aaron Rodgers is fully healthy, but they’ll have a tough go of it against the defending NFC champs. Niners, 24-22.
That’s all for this week, folks. Enjoy the games and God bless!