Preseason Crystal Ball: Catching Up with The Chief
Published continually since 1994
My friends, we’re 12 days from the NFL season and that means it’s time to catch up with THE CHIEF. Today, let’s focus on quarterback changes around the league and see what my old man has to say.
GURU: How are we doing today, Pops?
CHIEF: Well, my right leg’s acting up and it’s hot as a fat guy’s armpits down here in Florida. One of the dogs has diarrhea and your mother hasn’t been able to find her cell phone for the past 90 minutes.
GURU: Sounds great, Dad. Let’s talk some football, starting with the QBs. How do you think Sam Darnold will do in 2025?
CHIEF: Well, I’d rather talk about our guy (Jayden) Daniels, but I guess we’ll spend plenty of time on him this year.
Sure, I think Darnold will be good but am not sure he’ll be as impressive as he was last year. What a comeback! Then again, he has Jefferson to throw to and that’s a great ace in the hole.
GURU: Dad, I hate to break it to you, but Darnold isn’t with the Vikings. They let him leave in free agency and he’s now with Seattle. Minnesota plans to start J.J. McCarthy, last year’s first-round pick. He’s back from a knee injury.
CHIEF: The Seahawks?!? Wow. I must’ve missed that while I was watching “Gunsmoke”. Pretty easy to get distracted, son. That Miss Kitty is looking like a million bucks lately.
I guess Geno Smith didn’t welcome that Darnold news, did he?
GURU: It’s hard to say, Pops: the Seahawks traded Geno to the Raiders for a third-round pick on the same day Darnold signed with Seattle.
By the way, the actress who played Miss Kitty passed away in 1989, Dad. Amanda Blake.
CHIEF: That’s a shame, son, but she’s still alive on my TV. Alive and better than ever.
Well, I guess getting Geno is a good move for Oakland, getting a vet at QB. But will he get along with Pierce, their fiery head coach?
GURU: Dad, the Raiders left Oakland in 2020 for Vegas, remember? Plus, they fired Antonio Pierce at season’s end and hired someone in your age bracket as head coach. Pete Carroll!
CHIEF: Pete Carroll?!? Holy smokes. He’ll lead the league in middle-of-the-night bathroom trips, that’s for sure. But your old man will give him a run for his money. Should I be drinking V-8 right before bed? Speaking of which…
(Pops takes a seven-minute bathroom break which turns into half an hour when he decides to make a ham and cheese sandwich with extra mayo, pets the dogs for a few minutes and pours himself a tall glass of iced tea.)
CHIEF: Where were we, son?
GURU: Pete Carroll.
CHIEF: That’s right, boy. I was disappointed when Seattle got rid of him and the quarterback from Richmond, Russell Wilson. How are things looking for him in Pittsburgh? Good?
GURU: Well, Wilson’s not in the Steel City, Pops. Pittsburgh let him go to the Giants and New York signed Jameis Winston too. Wilson is starting and Jameis is backing him up with Tommy Cutlets on the outside looking in. Plus, they drafted a rookie in the first round - Jaxson Dart from Ole Miss. Talented kid.
Meanwhile, their old QB, Daniel Jones, is in Indianapolis and was actually named the starter ahead of Anthony Richardson, the talented young guy who is always hurt. Poor kid spends more time on the shelf than your set of Joe Gibbs collectible figurines.
CHIEF: Dear God, I love those figurines. Like miniature works of art.
Wait! Daniel Jones! So now it’s Jones, Richardson and Joe Flacco for the Colts? That’s an interesting QB room, son!
GURU: Maybe, but Flacco isn’t in it. Delaware Joe is back with the Browns, the same place he was two years ago. He was just named the starter too, beating the guy they got from the Eagles, Kenny Pickett, and two draft picks: Deion Sanders’ son and the stud out of Oregon, Dillon Gabriel.
Pickett actually had the inside track but has been out with a sore hammy for a while. Shadeur started fast but got hurt too.
CHIEF: Wait just a second, buddy. Pickett? I thought he was battling for the job in Pittsburgh.
GURU: That was two years ago, Pops. He spent last year with the Eagles and now the starting QB for the Steelers is likely to be…Aaron Rodgers, who was cut by the Jets.
CHIEF: Wow, that’s crazy. So now they’ve got Rodgers! And I guess Justin Fields is backing him up as their QB-in-waiting? That makes sense.
GURU: Not quite. Pittsburgh let Fields go and he’s with the Jets, taking Rodgers’ old spot. The backup in Pittsburgh is actually their former QB, Mason Rudolph. He was down in Tennessee last year.
CHIEF: Tennessee?!? Who in the world is their QB? Will Levis?
GURU: Not quite. The likely starter is Cam Ward, the rookie who played in college at Sam Houston State and then Miami. He was the #1 overall draft pick and kind of looks like Mahomes out there with all of the arm angles.
Levis was competing for the job but shut it down for the season with a shoulder injury. He won’t be back until 2026.
CHIEF: Man, that’s a bad break for the kid. I hope he makes it back.
Well, I guess we kind of worked our way across the country talking about these QB moves, didn’t we, son? Kinda like when I used to ride those cargo trains back in the day.
GURU: Yeah, Dad. I love hearing the stories about you and your hobo buddies.
CHIEF: Well, my man, I think it’s time for my nap. My head’s about to explode and, for once, it’s not because someone beat me to a prime parking spot at the urologist.
Is there anything else I need to know on the QB front?
GURU: Yes sir. Derek Carr retired in New Orleans due to a lingering shoulder injury, and they drafted a rookie, Tyler Shough, who played at three schools: Oregon, Texas Tech and Louisville. He’s battling with Spencer Rattler, the young man they got from South Carolina last year. Rattler played his first three years at Oklahoma, and I think he’ll start the opener.
CHIEF: Man, it makes the Drew Brees Era seem a million years away, doesn’t it?
Is that all, son?
GURU: Just one more thing, Dad. The most promising QB in the league is still Jayden Daniels. And he’s ours, my man. He’s all ours.
