My friends, THE GURU sees Tampa (3-1, 2-0 away) at Seattle (3-1, 1-1 home) on the NFL calendar and my mind again returns to 1976, the year the family and I arrived stateside after spending my first six years abroad in Paris, Johannesburg and Athens.
Ah, the memories of culture, travel and fine cuisine.
Having spent the previous two years in Athens, the move to the U.S. involved a bump or two but it was smooth sailing compared to the transitions to the NFL for the Bucs and Seahawks.
Indeed, in their inaugural season, Coach John McKay’s Bucs went winless (0-14) on the way to a league-record 26-game losing streak. Meanwhile, Jack Patera and Seattle weren’t much better, winning just two games, including the first victory in franchise history: a 13-10 win in Tampa on October 17, 1976. It moved the Seahawks to 1-5 and the Bucs fell to 0-6.
I won’t bore you with the minutiae of that season though, hey, that’s generally what I do each week, likely explaining why my column is about as interesting to read as a list of ingredients.
Hey, what are mixed tocopherols, anyway?
Ok, I’ll briefly bore you. At season’s end, Tampa and Seattle had the worst records in the AFC and NFC, respectively, and were also #1 and #2 in worst point differential. The Bucs were outscored by a whopping 287 points - that’s an average loss of 20! - while the Seahawks scored 200 fewer points than their opponents.
In 1977, the teams flipped conferences - that’s a story in itself - and Seattle improved to five wins while Tampa got two victories. The teams were outscored by 91 and 120 points, respectively.
Despite their shared history, these teams have rarely met over the past five decades with drizzle (Seattle) holding a 9-6 edge over humidity (Tampa). For what it’s worth, the Seahawks have won the last two meetings at home (2013, 2019) in overtime but that’s neither here nor there.
Fast forward to today and, though Lumen Field is a tough place to play, I think Baker Mayfield & Co. have the moxie to invade the upper Northwest and come away with a win, and maybe a bit of sockeye Salmon to boot. Call it 25-23, Bucs, and you can catch the action at 4:05 pm on CBS with Kevin Harlan, Trent Green, and Melanie Collins on the call.
After Thursday’s Rams’ loss, the season mark stands at 36-29 (.554). On to the rest of the slate with Atlanta (2-2), Chicago (2-2), Green Bay (2-1-1), and Pittsburgh (3-1) on the bye…
SUNDAY
9:30 AM ET
NFL Network kicks things off this morning with the Browns (1-3, 0-2 away) battling the Vikings (2-2, 1-1 away) in London’s Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Carson Wentz makes another start QB for Minnesota in place of the injured JJ McCarthy.
If you’re looking for entertainment with friends while watching this one, take a sip of Earl Grey for every three-and-out. Just don’t expect to fall asleep until Thursday. Take the Vikes, 23-20.
SUNDAY – 1 PM FOX
Go with Dallas (1-2-1, 0-2 away) over the Jets (0-4, 0-2 home) at MetLife. Aaron Glenn is an excellent motivator but lacks the horses he needs to compete. Fun to watch: Sauce (Gardner) vs. (George) Pickens…
…the Dolphins (1-3, 0-2 away) fall at Carolina (1-3, 1-0 home) and FISHBOY goes into a full tailspin, wandering aimlessly through the streets of his adopted Chicago hometown. Silver Lining Alert: a bad day for our hero could turn into good news for the street cart vendors in the Windy City…
…Indy (3-1, 2-0 home) hammers the visiting Raiders (1-3, 1-1 away) but the bigger story is the concerning news about Fox analyst Mark Sanchez, who was arrested this weekend and is being replaced by his former New York Jets teammate, Brady Quinn, today. Here’s hoping all turns out well with Sanchez.
SUNDAY – 1 PM CBS
The Broncos (2-2, 0-2 away) stun the host Eagles (4-0, 2-0 home) as Bo Nix has a day. Yes, this reads like a dispatch from the Wishful Thinking Dept., but this Birds team is not completely clicking and strikes me as ripe for an upset…
…the visiting Texans (1-3, 0-2 away) fall to the Ravens (1-3, 1-1 home) and stand-in QB Cooper Rush. One more Baltimore loss and the city turns to FISHBOY for advice on how to handle a football meltdown…
…the Giants (1-3, 0-2 away) keep the Saints winless (0-4, 0-2 home) with a victory in the Big Easy. Rookie coach Kellen Moore is searching for answers like LE GURU on the 1987 ACT.
SUNDAY – 4:05 PM CBS
The Titans (0-4, 0-2 away) fall flat at Arizona (2-2, 1-1 home) and remain winless.
Cam Ward’s “We ass” comment after Tennessee’s 26-0 loss to the Texans has folks up in arms from the Twittersphere (“He’s melting down!”) to the grammar police (“Where is the verb?!?”) but I’d caution folks to pump the brakes here.
Yes, the Titans are a bad football team and sure, coach Brian Callahan is on the hot seat. But Ward is going to be a good player in this league - it’s just going to take time. Note this fact: including his final year of high school, this is the fifth team for the QB in the past seven seasons. Transitions take time, especially when you’re making one to the National Football League.
Don’t be shocked if Tennessee puts a scare into the Cards today. Just don’t expect a win. Call it Arizona by a field goal.
SUNDAY – 4:25 PM FOX
Take Dee-troit (3-1, 1-1 away) in Cincy (2-2, 1-0 home) as the Lions get on a roll…
…Go with the host Chargers (3-1, 2-0 home) over My Beloved Commies (2-2, 0-2 away). Sure, Jayden Daniels is back and wants to put on a show in his hometown, but I’m not sure the DC defense will slow down Justin Herbert & Co.
I think Washington will hit its stride later in the season though that’s no solace to THE CHIEF who was inconsolable after last week’s loss at Atlanta. I hear the TV remote was flying around the room like a racquetball, folks.
SUNDAY NIGHT – 8:20 PM NBC
The Patriots (2-2, 1-0 away) lose at Buffalo (4-0, 3-0 home). The schedule-makers sure wanted the Bills to get off to a hot start with four home games in the first five weeks. Mission accomplished for THE FRANKVILLE KID, the western New York native whose birth fingerprints were stained with Frank’s RedHot.
MONDAY NIGHT – 8:15 PM ESPN/ABC
The Chiefs (2-2, 1-1 away) squeak by at Jacksonville (3-1, 2-0 home), which is resurgent under new head coach Liam Coen. Expect a barnburner in FLA.
That’s all for this week, folks! Enjoy the games and God bless!