My friends, THE GURU is in a full-on paella state of mind as my football weekend approaches.
Indeed, Sunday’s action kicks off with Cincinnati (5-2, 3-1 road) against Atlanta (3-5, 1-3 home) in Madrid’s Bernabéu Stadium, a designated home game for the Falcons. It
will be the second NFL tilt played in Spain, following last year’s Miami win against My Beloved Commies, 16-13, in overtime. A 2025 battle of the league’s downtrodden.
Fast forward to this season and Bengals-Falcons is more interesting than Dolphins vs. Washington but it isn’t exactly the NFL’s A-list. At this rate, the Spainards won’t ask the league for a third engagement.
But, when I ponder Cincy-Atlanta, I don’t think about two franchises without Super Bowl titles. Or two teams whose regular-season winning percentages place them in the NFL’s lowest quartile: the Bengals rank 25th (.457) and the Falcons are 28th (.438).
Instead, this matchup brings to mind a Turk. And, no, I’m not thinking of the first Turkish-born pro football player, the late Tunch Ilkin, an outstanding offensive tackle for Pittsburgh (1980-92) and Green Bay (1993), a distinguished member of the Steelers Hall of Honor.
No, Bengals-Falcons means one thing to me: Mr. Turk Schonert, the longtime NFL backup QB who played for both Cincinnati (1981-85, 87-89) and Atlanta (1986) during a 12-year NFL career that included two Super Bowl appearances with the Bengals.
A career clipboard holder who had the misfortuntune of backing up Ken Anderson and Boomer Esiason with the Bengals, Schonert was a ninth-round selection from Stanford who made good. In fact, he was a respectable 7-5 when asked to step in and start and was also a reliable guy in every QB room lucky enough to have him.
Schonert, who passed away in 2019, is also remembered fondly for his standout 1979 senior season with the Cardinal, then known as the Indians. After biding his time for three seasons, the Anaheim, Calif., native promptly set Stanford records for single-season completion percentage and passing efficiency that endured until 1990 and 2010 respectively. And he was also good enough to keep a young freshman by the name of John Elway from becoming the starter.
Not a bad resume.
As for the game, I’m going to take Cincy by the count of 35-32, understanding that Bijan Robinson is liable to rush for 300+ yards against a Bengals run defense that is 20th in yards allowed on the ground per game. See it at 9:30 am ET Sunday on NFL Network.
As for lesser matters, LE GURU’s Week Eight record was 11-3 (.786), improving the season tally to 75-46 (.620). Let’s go to the games with Pittsburgh (6-2) and Tennessee (1-7) enjoying the bye…
THURSDAY — 8:15 PM ET — PRIME VIDEO
Jacksonville (5-2, 1-1 road) wins at Baltimore (4-4, 1-2 home) with Lamar Jackson’s 2026 season in doubt and Tyler Huntley done for the year. Standbys Al Michaels, Kirk Herbstreit and Kaylee Hartung call the action.
This is where it gets interesting.
The likely QB starter for the Ravens this evening: Maine/UConn alum Joe Fagnano, an undrafted rookie dealing with an ankle injury. His primary backup: Kedon Slovis, a third-year pro who has attempted two NFL passes1. Third in the queue is Austin Reed, another three-year man, best known for his outstanding singing performance on “Hard Knocks”.
1 PM ET — CBS
Host Kansas City (5-2, 3-0 home) ends its two-game skid with a pummeling of the Jets (2-6, 1-3 road).
Remember those late ‘60s American Football League quarterbacking duels between Joe Namath and Lenny Dawson?2 Neither do I but THE ADMIRAL likely does…
…Cleveland (5-3, 2-3 road) falls at New Orleans (2-5, 0-4 home) with Shedeur Sanders under center for the visitors.
Side note: Saints defensive end Chase Young is having a monster year with seven sacks in his first seven games this season, third in the league. He looks poised to break his personal single-season record of 10 sacks, set last season. Bully for him, I say.
…Denver (6-2, 2-2 road) at Carolina (3-4, 1-2 home) even without Von Miller on the field. Miller, of course, devastated the Panthers and Cam Newton in Super Bowl 50, earning Most Valuable Player honors.
1 PM ET — FOX
Dallas (3-5, 2-2 road) visits Indianapolis (2-6, 1-2 home) in a battle of two teams that enriched the Jets with draft capital in the past year, leaving New York with three first-round picks.
More importantly, Dallas is known for its cattle, but don’t sleep on Indy’s St. Elmo Steak House, one of the USA’s best and home of perhaps the spiciest horseradish these lips have ever felt. THE TRE MAN seconds that emotion.
Take the Cowboys, 33-24…
…I like Dee-troit (5-2, 1-2 road) at the Dolphins (1-6, 0-3 home) as former Miami interim head coach Dan Campbell (2015) leads his team to the win.
The week’s most wonderful news: injured Lions linebacker - and captain - Jack Campbell reports full movement in his lower body and improvement in his upper half in the wake of last Sunday’s frightening injury…
…I’ll roll with the visiting Giants (4-2-1, 1-1-1 road) at Philadelphia (2-6, 1-3 home) as the Iggles go with Joe Milton at quarterback. Things are lining up perfectly for the Jints and BROTHER BLUENIK, who needs an NFC East crown like a fat guy needs comfortable shoes3…
…the Rams (4-4, 2-1 road) lose at Washington (2-4-1, 2-1-1 home). Sure, it’s wishful thinking but I expect my squad to pull out all the stops. On the negative front: it looks like Myles Garrett and Aaron Donald will play for the visitors.
Naturally, Rams-Commies brings to mind Hall of Famer George Allen, who coached both teams and who still owns the third-best regular season winning percentage since 1927 (.712), trailing only John Madden and Vince Lombardi.
Allen, of course, famously traded as many draft picks as he could when he got to DC after leaving the Rams, swapping selections for experienced players. This led to his Skins squads being dubbed “The Over the Hill Gang” and the “Ramskins” as he led them to Super Bowl VII where they lost to the 17-0 Dolphins.
Unfortunately, Washington rarely developed young talent as they didn’t make a single first-round selection during Allen’s tenure (1971-77) and, during his final six years in DC, never had a choice earlier than the fourth round4.
4:05 PM ET — CBS
Take Houston (2-5, 2-1 road) at the Chargers (0-7, 0-3 home). Mike McDaniel cut his teeth as a Texans assistant from 2006-08 and now is in danger of getting cut himself. It would be a shame - I think he’s a good coach.
4:25 PM ET — FOX
I like the host Patriots (5-3, 3-0) vs Green Bay (5-3, 2-2 road) in a rematch of Super Bowl XXXI…
…Vegas (4-4, 3-1 road) falls at San Fran (6-1, 4-0 home) in a battle of former Bay area neighbors. Kirk Cousins is slinging the ball like a young pup but Brock Purdy is in a class by himself this season. Call it 35-31, home team…
…Arizona (3-5, 3-2 road) loses at Seattle (4-4, 3-2 home) in a matchup of NFC West rivals. Gardner Minshew - aka Lemmy - gives it a big-time effort and falls just short.
8:20 PM ET — NBC
Visiting Tampa Bay (3-5, 2-1 road) loses to Chicago (6-2, 3-1 home) in a meeting of former NFC Central rivals. The teams butted heads twice annually from 1977-2011, save for the 1982 strike season.
What do you call folks who willingly travel to Chitown from central Florida in November? I-N-S-A-N-E
8:15 PM ET — ESPN/ABC
I like Buffalo (6-1, 3-0 road) at Minnesota (6-1, 3-0 home) as Carson Wentz gets another start in place of the injured Kyler Murray.
When these teams duel, I recall one Ahmad Rashad, the former Vikings star wideout who began his career in western New York. Rashad - known as Bobby Moore while at the University of Oregon5 - played for St. Louis (1972-73) and Buffalo (1974) before his memorable seven-year stint in Minneapolis.
All he did in Minny was earn four Pro Bowl nods before retiring as the franchise’s all-time career leader in receptions and yards. Not bad for a kid from Tacoma.
That’s all for this week, folks. Enjoy the games and God bless.
Rumor is that Baltimore is trading for former Arizona starter Jacob Brissett, who would be joining
Dawson was 7-3 against his counterpart, including a 13-6 win in the 1969 playoffs to dethrone the defending world champion Jets. The Chiefs would go on to beat the Vikings that season in Super Bowl IV.
Trust me on this one, folks.
Allen also landed in the NFL’s crosshairs when he inadvertently traded the same Washington draft pick to two different teams. More to come on that kerfuffle in a future Ball.
His Oregon quarterback? None other than future Hall of Famer Dan Fouts.