WEEK SEVEN CRYSTAL BALL - THURSDAY: GURU Puts Things in Perspective
Published continually since 1994
My friends, THE GURU finds himself at peace after My Beloved Commies fell to 3-3 with a tough last-second loss to Chitown on Monday night. Sadly, not all in Burgundy & Gold Nation are holding up as well.
THE CHIEF is in a state of dismay, FATBACK is inconsolable, BONELESS MING is teetering on the brink, and THE KOREAN PEACH is lacing his Nikes to take a long walk off a short pier.
My brothers, I implore you: Step away from the bridge. Put away the box cutters. Stash the cyanide. Throw down your shovel.
Yes, our boys are .500 but Jayden Daniels was electric Monday, slicing up the Chicago secondary like GUZ THE KNIFE doing his thing in the operating room on the Fourth of July. Sure, our outstanding QB had an ill-timed fourth quarter miscue but, heck, it was the first lost fumble of his NFL career, and I know he’ll bounce back.
Want further perspective? Since 2000, Washington has finished .500 or better just 10 times, and in nearly half of those campaigns, three victories would’ve gotten the Skins halfway to their season total. So, to yours truly, being 3-3 - and competitive at that - isn’t so bad.
Yes, when it comes to losers in this century, few can match My Beloved Commies, save for the Browns and Jets. Maybe throw the Jags in there too, along with Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein and good ol’ common sense.
Want more futility? Look to the Middle West as Cincinnati (2-4, 1-1 home) hosts the rival Steelers (4-1, 2-0 away) tonight. You can catch the action at 8:15 pm ET with Al Michaels, Kirk Herbstreit and Kaylee Hartung on the call.
Indeed, the Bengals’ record vs. Pittsburgh is an astoundingly bad 14-38 (.269) in the 2000s, including an 11-game losing streak from 2015-20. Take that skid away and the win percentage is still just .342, close to LE GURU’s college playing weight.
The club looked good in camp this year, but all hope was derailed in Week Two when Joe Burrow’s left big toe was felled by the Paycor Stadium turf. They haven’t captured a win since, suffering consecutive losses to Minnesota, Denver, Dee-troit and Green Bay by an average margin of 24 points.
Desperation entered the frame on October 7th when the Cincinnati brass traded a draft pick to Cleveland for Medicare-eligible quarterback Joe Flacco. The Delaware alum fared well in his debut against the Packers with a 68.5 QBR but he will have a tough road to hoe against Pittsburgh.
Expect a frenzied Cincinnati crowd - amped to the gills with Skyline chili - to provide a spark but, in the end, it’ll be too much Pittsburgh. Yes, Messrs. Flacco and Rodgers will be up well past their bedtime but here’s hoping they can sleep in tomorrow. Let’s go with the Steelers, 27-25.
The Week Six record was 8-6 (.571), moving the overall mark to 51-41 (.554). Enjoy the game and I’ll be back this weekend, folks. God bless!