My friends, THE GURU and his football ship are taking on water, listing like a vessel with DISCO MIKE1 and yours truly tethered to the starboard side.
It was a historically brutal weekend for the two of us and so many other backers of My Beloved Commies as our squad crumbled like a Tate’s cookie in the final minute, tying the New York Football Giants, 27-27.
Lord, there was plenty of pain to go around with each fan coping in their own way.
THE CHIEF turned his antique dresser into kindling. FATBACK HOBBS drowned his tears in sports bar appetizers. PEACHTREE WILL shaved his head, BONELESS MING swore off football forever and PJ JAZZY JEFF told his kids there is no Santa Claus.
Meanwhile, LE GURU sat, dumbfounded, at what transpired in the final seconds. Did that really happen? Did we really fail to attempt a field goal at game’s end?
Take a pass through the World Wide Web and you’ll see all kinds of analysis about last weekend’s crunchtime shortcomings. But you won’t get that here.
My take is simple: mistakes were made and they likely cost my squad the win. I say “likely” because our rookie kicker, Drew Stevens, missed an extra point earlier in the day and, amid sloppy conditions at Northwest Stadium, Giants kicker Dominic Zvada already missed three field goals. So, a 42-yard attempt was not a slam dunk, as it were.
But, instead of diving deeper into Sunday’s happenings, I’m going to dig into DC football lore, focusing on some of the most painful moments in franchise history in my lifetime (1970-present). Here are five plays that continue to haunt me.
5. Aikman’s OT Bomb - September 12, 1999
This was a devastating season-opening loss to our archrivals. Washington, which won the 1999 NFC East title, led 35-14 in the third quarter and Norv Turner’s offense was humming. Then came the collapse.
Dallas put up 21 points in a furious fourth-quarter rally and then, barely two minutes into overtime, Troy Aikman reared back and hit a wide-open Rocket Ismail for a 76-yard touchdown to seal it. Brutal.
4. The Hold vs Arizona - November 10, 1996
The 1996 Washington Redskins started the season hot at 7-1 and then faded down the stretch, missing the playoffs with a 9-7 record. Along the way, there were a bunch of painfully close losses and none was worse than this defeat, at home, to a bad Arizona team, 37-34.
Cardinals QB Boomer Esiason, age 35, threw for a mind-numbing 522 yards on my squad, a figure that is tied for fifth in NFL history. But the most hurtful moment was in overtime when Washington kicker Scott Blanton nailed a 38-yarder to win it. Alas, tight end Scott Galbraith was called for holding and Blanton then missed the 43-yard kick to give Arizona the ball back.
Four minutes later and it was all over when their kicker, Kevin Butler, nailed a 32-yard try to win it. A real kick in the gut.
3. LaDainian Tomlinson’s Winning Dash - November 27, 2005
Washington was hitting its stride in year two of Joe Gibbs II and played an excellent Chargers team tooth and nail, clinging to a 17-10 lead late in the fourth quarter. And that’s when lightning struck - twice - in the form of future Hall of Famer LaDainian Tomlinson.
First, LT ran 32 yards for a touchdown to tie the game at 17 with three minutes left and then, on the second play of overtime, he burst through the line and rumbled for a 41-yarder to win it. It was the Skins’ third straight loss, by a total of 10 points.
From there, Gibbs & Co. got on a roll, winning six straight games including a Wild Card game in Tampa. Their season ended in the Divisional Round at Seattle.
2. Alstott’s plunge - November 13, 2005
The loss to San Diego followed a soul-crushing defeat two weeks earlier when the playoff-bound Skins and Bucs squared off in Tampa. It was a true NFC slugfest and Clinton Portis gave Washington the lead, 35-28, with 8:26 remaining.
The teams traded possessions until Bucs QB Chris Simms hit WR Edell Shepherd on a 30-yard pass to pull Tampa within a point. Star Washington outside linebacker Lavar Arrington was flagged for delay of game on the play, moving the extra point attempt to the 1 1/2-yard line, half the distance to the goal.
Tampa kicker Matt Bryant then missed the extra point but, alas, DB Walt Harris was offside, moving the ball inside of the one-yard line. Given the proximity to the DC end zone, Bucs head coach Jon Gruden went for the two-point conversion and his hulking running back, Mike Alstott, made him look like a genius. 36-35, Bucs.
The Silver lining: Washington returned to Tampa in the playoffs and toppled the hosts, 17-10, in a Wild Card game to earn a trip to Seattle for the Divisional Round.
1. Jack Squirek’s Super Bowl Interception. - January 22, 1984
This was the most painful moment of LE GURU’s teenage fandom, a pick six thrown by NFL MVP Joe Theismann with just seconds before the half in Super Bowl XVIII.
Washington trailed 14-3 when it took possession with 12 seconds left from its own 12-yard line. Hoping to catch the Raiders napping - as he did when the teams faced off earlier in the season - Theismann threw a screen pass that was picked off by Squirek, the Illinois alum. He walked into the end zone from five yards out and it was 21-3 at the half.
Joe T & the boys promptly marched downfield on their first possession of the third quarter to make it 21-9 on a John Riggins run, a painful reminder that it would have been a one-score game if not for the end-of-half gaffe.
As for tonight, we’ve got the Seahawks (3-2, 1-1 road) at the Broncos (3-2, 2-0 home) as these former division rivals square off. Kickoff is set for 8:15 pm on Amazon Prime with Al Michaels, Kirk Herbstreit and and Kaylee Hartung on the call.
Indeed, these teams were AFC West combatants for 25 seasons (1977-2001) and they were not friendly with one another. Just think of the names: Davis, Elway, Easley, Kreig, Largent, Warner. The list goes on.
As for tonight, you’ve got an elite Seahawks road team under Mike McDonald - 16-3 since he took the job in 2024 - against one of the league’s best home teams with Sean Payton & Co. 22-5 at Mile High since he took the helm. I’m going with the Broncos in a squeaker, 19-17.
The Week Five record was 10-5 (.667), bumping the season mark to 47-32 (.595). That’s all for tonight, folks. Enjoy the games and God bless!
Also known as THE TAMBOURINE MAN.