My friends, THE GURU is cool, calm and collected. Yes, no panic here, even as My Beloved Commies appear destined for a top five pick in the 2027 NFL Draft.
Sure, Jayden Daniels is expected back in 2-3 weeks, but what are the odds the young man’s left elbow stays healthy? Heck, that beautiful joint of his has as much bad luck as the roof of my mouth, a 19-time pork-burn survivor.
Getting JD5 back would make a difference even though backup Marcus Mariota is one of the top second-string signal callers in the league. But, no matter how good DC’s QB play is, it can’t make up for the offensive line’s pass-blocking struggles or the iffy play of the team’s defense.
After an encouraging effort against Philly in Week One, the Commies’ D was a colander-like sieve last weekend, a 37-20 Dallas rout. Dak Prescott is a high-quality quarterback, yes, but he’d be a first-ballot Hall of Famer if he went up against my squad every weekend. Career record vs MBC: 14-2.
It gets no better for Washington (0-2, 0-0 home) today as Seattle (2-0, 1-0 road), the defending Super Bowl champion, comes to town. The forecast calls for heavy rain so we may have a shot to be competitive with our running game, which ranks fourth in the NFL. But, then again, the Seahawks’ stingy defense only allows 8.5 points a game so it’s likely to be tough sledding. And tough rushing and passing for that matter.
Call it Seattle, 34-17, and catch the action at 1 pm ET on Fox with Joe Davis, Greg Olsen and Pam Oliver on the call. Olsen, by the way, is a joy to hear so, at the very least, the commentary will be on point, even if it is painful to hear.
In the Middle West, the Packers were pained Thursday night in their disastrous 35-14 Lambeau loss to Atlanta, dropping LE GURU’s season mark to 21-12 (.636). On to the games…
SUNDAY — 1 PM ET — FOX
The Chargers (0-2, 0-0 road) remain winless at Buffalo (2-0, 1-0 home). I won’t be surprised if LA puts up a fight but the gulf between these teams is wider than the distance between my pockets…
…Cleveland (1-1, 0-0 home) loses against visiting Carolina (1-1, 1-0 road) in the “We Dumped Baker Mayfield and We Regret It” Bowl. The Panthers are a better squad and Bryce Young is playing well…
…the New York Jets (1-1, 1-0 road) lose in Detroit (1-1, 1-0 home) as head coach Aaron Glenn returns to where he ran the defense from 2021-24. This could be a defensive struggle, but Amon-Ra makes a play late to give the Lions the win. The dude is a top five player in this league.
SUNDAY — 1 PM ET — CBS
Kansas City (2-0, 0-0 road) blasts host Miami (0-2, 0-0 home). It is close to unpossible that the Dolphins win this game…
…Houston (0-2, 0-0 road) wins at Indianapolis (0-2, 0-1 home) to get off their early season schneid. If you recall, the Texans started similarly in 2025 at 0-3 but then ripped off 12 wins in their final 14 regular-season games under the unflappable DeMeco Ryans…
…Cincinnati (2-0, 1-0 road) defeats host Pittsburgh (1-1, 1-0 home). It’s hard to trust the Steelers though THE HOUSE OF SUSSEX may say otherwise. A win today gives the Bengals their first 3-0 start since 2015…
…New England (1-1, 0-1 road) falls at Jacksonville (1-1, 1-0 home). The Patriots’ defense puts in a game effort, but the Jags win it late in a low-scoring affair…
…Tennessee (0-2, 0-0 road) fights but loses at the NY Giants (1-1, 1-0 home). Good Jameis shows up this week to deliver the win and, somewhere, the late, great PEDRO LAMBERTO is smiling a big blue grin.
SUNDAY — 4:05 PM ET — FOX
San Francisco (2-0, 1-0 home) handles visiting Arizona (1-1, 1-0 road). Brock Purdy has been lights out and the Niners seem primed for a serious run this season. The SF QB completed all eight of his passing attempts between 10-19 yards vs. Miami1 and he will play big again today…
…Minnesota (2-0, 1-0 road) drops one at Tampa (0-2, 0-1 home) as the Bucs get victory #1 in Baker Mayfield’s third career start against Carson Wentz.
Mayfield, the 2017 Heisman Trophy winner, is 2-0 against the North Dakota State product: he led Cleveland over the Eagles in 2020, and his Browns topped the Commanders in 2023.
SUNDAY — 4:25 PM ET — CBS
Baltimore (1-1, 1-0 road) gets a road win at Dallas (1-1, 1-0 home) as Lamar goes nuts on the undisciplined Cowboys’ defense. Stay in those rush lanes, men…
…Las Vegas (2-0, 1-0 road) loses at New Orleans (1-1, 0-0 home) with Cousins and Shough engaging in a shootout. This one feels like 35-31, Saints.
SUNDAY — 8:20 PM ET — NBC
The visiting Rams (1-1, 0-0 road) bow to Denver (1-1, 1-0 home) in the nightcap. LA is tough but a night game at Mile High is no place for a visiting team. It’ll be tight but Nix & Co. will pull it out late.
MONDAY — 8:15 PM ET — ESPN
Philadelphia (2-0, 1-0 road) runs roughshod at Chicago (1-1, 0-1 home) as memories of the infamous Fog Bowl abound. The crowd will be loud, but those Iggles will tune out the noise.
That’s all for this week, folks. Enjoy the games and God bless!
Thanks for the data, ESPN.