My friends, THE GURU is slowly rebounding from Thursday’s defeat at the cheesy hands of the Green Bay Packers. It was a beatdown that would’ve made Tyson proud. The fighter, not the chicken.
The loss dropped my season mark to a pedestrian 9-8 (.529) but today is another day so, with that, let’s move on to the rest of this week’s slate.
We’ll begin with the final game on Week Two’s schedule - the Monday nightcap - as the Los Angeles Chargers (1-0) visit the Raiders (1-0) in an intriguing AFC West tilt. The action kicks off at (gulp) 10 p.m. ET on ESPN with Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, Lisa Salters, and Laura Rutledge on the call.
Putting aside the fact that I’ll be counting sheep at kickoff, this could be one of the most exciting LA to Vegas trips since Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau set off for the strip in “Swingers”.
This bitter rivalry dates to the AFL's inaugural season of 1960 when these franchises were formed in San Diego and Oakland, respectively. They’ve squared off a total of 131 times - the Raiders lead the series 69-60-2 - but just one of those matchups took place in the postseason.
That occasion was the 1980 AFC Championship game - played January 11, 1981 - with Oakland traveling to San Diego’s Jack Murphy Stadium. The Chargers and QB Dan Fouts boasted the league’s #1 offense, averaging more than 400 yards a game, but the excellent Raiders’ defense included All-Pros like corner Lester Hayes, who intercepted 18 passes by himself (!), including five in the playoffs.
Oakland jumped out to a 28-14 halftime lead behind QB Jim Plunkett's steady play and withstood a furious Chargers rally to capture the AFC crown, 34-27. Two weeks later, the Raiders took down Dick Vermeil’s Eagles in savage fashion, 27-10, to win Super Bowl XV.
Fast forward four decades and both squads are seeking to recapture their past glory. The game may be in Vegas but I’m going to roll with Harbaugh & Herbert. Let’s call it Chargers, 23-20.
SUNDAY
1 PM - FOX
The Giants (0-1) fall at Dallas. Jints fans are already on red alert just seven days into the season and another week without stud left offensive tackle Andrew Thomas is not going to cure what ails them…
…Dee-troit (0-1) thumps the visiting Bears (0-1). New Chicago coach Ben Johnson may know his old team’s tendencies, but I think familiarity can be overblown. Case in point: I know THE FAIR CLAUDINE pretty well and am still looking for my first win of an argument…
…San Fran (1-0) wins in New Orleans (0-1) with Mac Jones at QB. The Niners will feel the losses of Messrs. Purdy and Kittle before long but this Sunday shouldn’t be more than a speedbump. The Saints have quite a ways to go…
…Seattle (0-1) falls at Pittsburgh (1-0), bringing great joy to some of Jersey’s proudest Steelers fans, THE HOUSE OF SUSSEX.
1 PM - CBS
Cleveland (0-1) drops one at Baltimore (0-1) as RAVEN RON VALLO, the born and bred Clevelander, surpasses the “Three-Mile Island” gauge on his stress-o-meter in the second quarter…
…Cincinnati (1-0) beats visiting Jacksonville (1-0). How star-crossed are these franchises? The last time either team started 2-0 was 2018, when yours truly was merely “old”…
…New England Patriots (0-1) remains winless, losing at Miami (0-1). Many a native New Englander lives in Miami, but the only Floridians moving to Mass. are part of some sort of extradition treaty. FISHBOY needs a W…
…Buffalo (1-0) topples the host Jets (0-1). Over-under on the number of times that analyst Tony Romo mentions Patrick Mahomes in this broadcast, even though the Chiefs QB is 1,200 miles away from MetLife Stadium: 17…
…the Los Angeles Rams (1-0) get a win in Tennessee Titans (0-1). A historic note: one of the biggest days in NFL history took place in a 1984 LA win vs. the Titans franchise as Eric Dickerson broke the league’s single-season rushing record with a 215-yard day to finish with 2,105 for the season.
4:05 PM - CBS
Visiting Carolina (0-1) falls to the Cardinals (1-0). Arizona leads the U.S. in three categories: desert1, wrinkled skin and early vacations. Indeed, the Cards have made just 11 postseason appearances in their 106 seasons entering 2025…
…Denver Broncos (1-0) wins in Indy (1-0). Colorado’s most famous citizen, John Elway, arrived in the Mile High City courtesy of a trade with these same Colts. Oh, what might’ve been for Indianapolis fans…
4:25 PM - FOX
Birds backer SLICK WILLIE is licking his chops while THE MAYOR OF KC, at 0-1, is licking his considerable wounds. Still, I’ll take the host Chiefs (0-1) to beat the Eagles (1-0) in a squeaker.
An injury to watch: KC’s Xavier Worthy is out with a bum shoulder, rendering their receiving corps thinner than the book “The Wit and Wisdom of TOMMY BIRD”.
8:20 PM - NBC
Take Atlanta (1-0) to win at Minnesota (0-1) with Kirk Cousins returning to town as a backup. I remain a proud member of Team Kirk but Penix, to be fair, looks good. This one will be tight.
MONDAY
7:00 PM - ABC
Host Houston (0-1) rebounds to beat Tampa (1-0) as these franchises meet for just the seventh time. Though these teams exist in the same universe, they cross paths about as often as OBNOXIOUS MIKE and a treadmill2.
That's all for this week, folks. Enjoy the games! God bless!
Note: Thanks to Pro Football Reference, the Football Database and Wikipedia (!) for the stats and other numbers in this week’s edition.
Ok, California - or even Texas - may have more desert but that sentence rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?
That said, my guy could’ve benched 8-10 reps of the old Houston Astrodome, close grip.